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2004-11-05 - 08:25 p.m.

I have a helluvva lot to tell. I don't know where to start. Omg...

I seriously don't know what to say. My brain is all squashed.
Well. Can... she came here. *nods*
We can start there. At the beginning of her stay. Yes. Let's... Oh.. Yes. *grins* I remember. I hadn't spoken to her for a few days and I was really worried and mostly paranoid that something happened. Like... her internet broke down or something. and her phone... and.. XD Well, you know. I thought it was doom at her place.
In reality I knew that -all- things couldn't have broke. But what the heck. I had those unlogical thoughts for a while. But then she came online. She even apologized for not owling me (mailing XD) before. That felt kinda good. ^^ So yes.
And anyway. It was official. She was gonna come here the 30:th October and stay until the 4:th of November. Yay!
We owled the night before. I remember, 'cause I'd been waiting for her the whole friggin' evening. But she never came. At one a.m I took a little walk to the kitchen to get something to drink and stuff. When I came back she had owled me. :O I checked... but she was offline. I was like... "dang. I've been waiting for hours, and then you come online the exact moment when I'm away."
^^ Though it wouldn't have mattered. Even if I would have been at the comp she'd still just have owled me and then gone to bed. So whatever. But it still felt stupid that she came online the exact moment I was away :p I also talked to Q that night. I got kinda paranoid again, and nervous just in general. I was like; "What if she won't like me? What if she won't like my room? What if she'll think it's too girly? Aah *waves fist in air* Damn you plushies!!". But she calmed me down. Thank you, Q.
Anyway, we were both really nervous. ^^ But it was oh so exciting!
I did go to bed just a while after I answered the owl. But I couldn't really fall asleep. I had too many thoughts in my head. Too excited and way too nervous. I did fall asleep after some time, though. Then I woke up around eight. Since it was a Saturday I wanted to watch Beyblade at nine. So I thought, "aha. Then I have an hour before, then about half an hour after. Then we have to leave for the airport."
Good planing. 'Cause I pretty much got to do all the things I needed to before Beyblade. Then I watched it. So cute episode, btw. Well, and the half an hour after I had time to do even more. ^^ Then we left. Whee-!
We, mom and I, arrived at the airport about ten minutes before the flight was to land. So we sat down and waited. She read a newspaper and I looked at the clock on my cellphone, counting down. Every minute I stated that it was only "seven minutes to go", "six minutes to go". My mom told me to calm down. That she got stressed by my counting. :p So I tried to chill. Then when it was 4 minutes to go I saw ppl coming down the stairs, so I poked mom on the arm and pointed. Obviously it was the flight-ppl. But yet I asked, "and who are those?".
"Well, that's them." *zhooom* And I got up from the chair. My mom asked me for the thousand time how we were gonna recognize each other. Oh, well... I just figured, we do know some things about each other's looks, and I think she's seen photos of me. Besides. How many lone teenagers can there be there? Precisely.
And there she were. I just knew it was her the moment I saw her. I felt kinda stupid staring at her, though. But I refused to let me break the eye contact. So she walked up to me and we stood there for a second or two. I was just about to force myself to ask her if she was Can; but my mom did it instead. *phew*
Hell. It was awkward. She was like, "yeah... I'm gonna go get my luggage. ...here it comes" *lalala* Once we got home it was a bit better, though. After a few hours it was like nothing. All we needed was some time. Within these few days she were here we got more and more comfortable.
I felt really at ease with her. I never felt like that with someone else. Then we mostly hanged out. We even took a nap that day XD we both slept so short time the night before. Oh man, we were tired. We ate dinner, and we talked.
Then we didn't do much more. It was only the first day, so.
The next day Q came to visit us. It was so fun. I was hyper in the beginning :P All I said for half an hour was 'hello', 'wheeee' and 'I'm calm'. She brought the first two of her/mine/whatever Beyblade tapes as well. Then I was even more hyper. Actually, to quote her diary here at Diaryland: "Going to LuleŚ to meet Mac and Can X) Yay ^^
And give Mac all my taped BB's. Or my... I tape them for her from a channel she hasn't got XP Whatever
Eight episodes. She's kinda freakin' about it XP"
Well, duh :p Sorry! Hyper... I couldn't help it. Btw, I've watched a few of the episodes now. (omg, yay. So weird... a weeird, weird season. But so cute)
Giving me things reminds me... *checks her mood* Oh. Look. I'm pretty average now. I'm in control of my inner emotions and I'm kind of calm.
We watched 'Once more with Feeling' as well. Q and I knew the songs like the back of our hands. So we sang along. ("It's alright if something's come out wrong, we'll sing a happy song, and you can sing along". Yay :P Sing along!) Heh. It didn't sound all that good I suppose. But it was fun, so who cares? Can must have thought we were crazy. Teehee.

Anyway. That was fun!
I made Can watch the other Beyblade with me, too. The first season from the channel I do have. Mwehe. It was weird. We watched Buffy as well. Can was evil. :p she said Giles was going to die. But I refused to think so.
She must've laughed quite a bit more in her mind than she showed. XD 'cause one episode.... omg. Giles was talking to a man who was dying, and then a dark creature came up from behind with an axe. Then in the middle of it all they cut the scene and cut Giles' sentence short. While he was talking it all went black. That was how it ended. So I screamed. I flew up from the couch, standing, screaming "they can't do that!". :p I didn't really mean to. Not like that at least. *blush* XD But I couldn't help it.
Golly :p She's now seen the true obsessed-Buffy-freak-Mac. Double golly. We took a walk as well. Heh. XD Though the pretty lake didn't look all that pretty now. She has to come here in the summer so we can walk there again. And I wanna show her 'big river' XP
It was kind of cold. But it was a nice walk. The walk of doom. The walk of deep dark secrets. Ooh, and I got to show her Oz. That was fun. Then my mom worked some of the other days, so we made our own food. We're so awesome :P and of course we sat at the computer a bit.
One night we did a helluvva lot of quizzes. Hahah. That was weird, but fun. I think we stayed up the longest that night. We even managed to wake up my mom in the middle of it all. Golly. But what the heck. That's what teenagers are meant to do.
We walked the dog to town one of the days. Had to post some letters. The next day we went back, without the dog, to buy food. We were planning on going to the house of technology that day but we didn't have any time. So we did that the next day instead. Mom drove us there X) Mwehe. Afterwards we went out to eat at a restaurant. Fun, fun. Good food. *yummm*

Before we knew it the last night had come. It was only a couple of hours to go. Then she was going home again. I'm still walking around singing the few lines I know from the songs we listened to. Pretty songs. And I finally got to hear the IP song. Golly. I'm so glad she brought that album :3 that was her cd with the random songs.
We listened to that cd the night before as well as this last night. Can sang, too. Sad song. Sad... that reminds me about the story she told me. It was this really sad story about a boy, many, many years ago. Oh, but let's not get into that now.
We had some sad moments. But oh so many happy ones. Hehe. "climbing, climbing. Dying". Poor sofalion. Or why not the classical "and then there was a turn and everybody died"? Heheh. No one understands that one. Poor you, guys. *looks at Can* But you understand. And that is good. Or else it would be doom.

We stated that she was taller than I was a few times. Or more me. *goes standing besides Can* "You're taller than me!"
"Yes... *grin* I think we already figured that out..."
Hehe. And all the zoom.

That last night when we were sitting on my couch I saw something outside. I just thought it was my lamps. But it wasn't. Oh. Noo, I even had to ask her.
"Is that just the lamps reflecting in the window or is that northern lightning?". She just flew to the window. Zooooooom. Omg!
Haha. :) And it was. I suggested that we'd go out on the balcony to see it better. She was so excited. Kind of hyper, going "weeee", like I was when Q were here. She had never seen northern lightning. So it was fun to 'show her' that. I really didn't do anything. But hey. It was awesome that it just happened to appear there in the sky that very night.
"Who needs the moon. We have northern lightning"- Can. Indeed. ^^
And I'm not translating. We actually did speak english. I'm serious. It started with like 70% then we got up to like 80%. In the end we talked 90% english. During that walk I mentioned we only spoke english. Golly. All the friggin' time. Kind of nice, though. I like english... obviously.
We refused to go to bed that night. 'Cause we knew that then time would just pass so fast and there wouldn't be any time left for talking. There was so much to say.
We fell asleep at the couch that night. We woke up at four and then we decided to go to bed for real XP
Then we had like three hours to sleep. Time just flew, and then it was time to wake up and eat breakfast. Zoom. And pack. She hadn't done that yet. That took a while and soon it was only ten minutes before we had to leave for the airport again. I remember looking her in the eyes, thinking "you're really going home now...". I think we said that a few times, too. "and now you're leaving".
At the airport we checked her bag in. Then we went up to the gates. My mom got stopped at the control-thingie 'cause of her shoes XP I called her terrorist. Heh.
Then we sat down to wait. Though it was weird with my mom being there, so we left 'the terrorist' and took a walk down the corridors to look at the pretty airplanes. Pretty and pretty... Oh, well.

Zoom. We walked 'til the corridor came to a dead end. Then we sat down. I remember that exact moment in detail. I was so happy, but so sad. All in one big squashed feeling.
And 15 minutes to go. Ten... five.
"I don't want you to leave"
Then it was time to go. Just like that. We got up, one last hug. Then we were on our way. I waited with her in the line to check in, though. But that wasn't much. It all went pretty fast and then it was her turn. She gave them the ticket, that ticket-thingie made a sound, and then that was it. No return. Just keep walking. I smiled dumbly and she turned around to wave a bit. "Well, good bye."
Then she walked around the corner and disappeared.

It felt kind of dramatic. In one way it was. Or... In many ways it was.
I left the airport with a light, happy feeling, though. I felt content, although she was gone. I had the time of my life. I was happy both in general, and happy about other things. I suppose you know what I mean, Can? Were you happy, too?
My mom and I drove to the town afterwards. I was still smiling. We bought a pair of shoes for her, a few candles to light later on my sisters grave and we rented dvd's.
I was kind of tired when we got home. I remember looking at my watch all the time. When the time struck flight-landing time I thought of Can, wondering if she was okay. Since we had too little sleep that night I almost fell asleep when mom and I watched the first movie. Then I ate a few sandwiches and after a while I watched Buffy. The episode I put aside. I recorded it instead of watching it "live". Hah! Giles is alive. *beams*
The day was pretty good, actually. But the evening was horrible. I did watch Buffy, though. But after that it was so lonely. I mean, there she came, here she were, there she's gone. Of course it gets lonely after spending almost a full week together with someone. Not fair. Still moments were fun. "No hand sex for you" ... XD *hand formed as a puppet looking sad*
And the puppet-show with the knight-thingie. Golly. *smiles dumbly*
But it was dark and lonley in my room. I tried to keep remembering more stupid quotes and all those other fun moments. But all I seemed to be able to focus on was that she was no longer here.
Man, if you think I'm very silly then slap me or something. But I cried that night. It's so not fair that she had to leave so soon. Yeah. I really missed her that much. I've never felt so at ease with someone. It was a bit northern lighting that night as well. So I was standing at my window, my purple and blue lights shining in the background, looking at my watch and thinking with a sigh that 'just 24 hours ago she was standing right beside me, exactly like this moment.'
Talk about gloomy.
Zooooooom. I miss her. There is no more zoom now. All quiet in the apartment.

I miss the zoom. I miss her so much it almost hurts. Stupid? Whatever.
I still do. Kazooooom. But I'm gonna go visit her later. Soon. I hope. I ended up sitting on the floor again, yesterday. I was wondering what she was doing. I was wondering if you'll think I'm being stupid. Do you? Or maybe you were crying as well?
Lots of 'classical' thoughts. Were you thinking about me too? Well, I do know that you had a more busy evening than I did. So maybe you didn't have much time to think about it. But did you think about it at all, before, during or after?
At least you know I miss you, now. X) And that's all good. All good...


End time: 11:52 p.m.

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